They Must Find Their Own Way

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)

During the pandemic, my two younger children came home from college and finished out their semesters. Little did we know that two years later, we would still be living together. Honestly, it took time to adjust to them being back in the house. I had finally grown accustomed to being alone, without them and without my husband. Now, I had to remember how to share and how to move in my own kitchen with others being underfoot. We worked it out and had a “system” in place. One would wash clothes this night the other on that day. If I am honest, my son and I shared the load of meals; however, he took on the task of preparing meals after we all returned to work.

Now, I can say that I have grown accustomed to them being here. I did not realize just how much until my son completed graduate school. The reality of his soon departure hit home in a way that I did not expect. Of course, I had never intended or expected him to stay in my home forever. I just did not expect to have the separation anxiety that I did. As my Facebook page is flooded with images of graduating students, I am sure that there are other parents that may being feeling a little like me. Our hearts are full of excitement for the next chapter of our children’s lives yet aching with sadness as we watch them go.

One night, I dreamt that our family was celebrating his accomplishment. We were all in the place that seem to be a mall filled with celebratory greetings and décor. Each store represented a different college. The store he chose was full of blue and gold. The sales associates were students who were cheering the patrons on as they entered. I remember Brandon getting so excited that he moved ahead of the family. The associate cheered him on and encouraged him to continue walking through the store as if headed toward an ultimate sale. I was trying my best to keep up with him, but they were preventing me from getting too close. Finally, he reached a set of doors that opened to allow him passage. I ran as fast as I could, but I could not get to him before he exited the building. As I got to the door, it opened. It was not the same scenery as inside. It was dark and unfamiliar. In the dim light, I could see my son on the path at the bottom of the steep stairway. He was not distressed by the change in surroundings. He did not turn to say goodbye or question whether he should continue. He did not respond to my pleas to come back. He continued bravely and was undeterred in his journey of independence and adventure. As I tried to run for him, I was prevented from going any further. I cried in anguish. I wanted to protect my son and keep him from any harm that may come to him. Finally, someone in our group who had great wisdom and influence on me said in a quiet voice, “You cannot go after him.” I turned to see who may have said it but there was no one there. Suddenly, I awoke alarmed, but with peace.

I realized that the voice was God telling me that I had to let him go. As much as I want to carry my children through every stage of life, I cannot. I cannot dictate every decision and chapter of their lives. I must be willing to stand along the outskirts and cheer them on. Encourage them when necessary and continually intercede to the Father on their behalf. I must let them find their own way so that they will know the directions and steps to get where they are being led. When they were learning to drive, I had to allow them to get behind the wheel so that they would know how to drive and how to get where we were going. If I had never done that, they may not know how to drive on the highway or know how to follow directions. If I had not allowed them to cook, they would not know how to eat a balanced meal or follow simple recipes. Therefore, if I do not allow them to find their own way, they will never find the paths that they are meant to be following.

As I reflected on this dream and talked it out with the Holy Spirit, I realized that the very thing I am trying to do with my children, is the very thing that Heavenly Father has done with me. He has allowed me to find my own way. He has not squashed my free will. Yet, He has been with me the entire time. He has kept me from dangers seen and unseen. Jesus has interceded with the Father on my behalf in all circumstances. He has poured into me His Spirit so that I have internal navigation to continue my journey.

When I shared my dream with Brandon, there was one thing that he specifically pointed out. He noted that I had said that he was brave and undeterred by what was in front of him. He said, “Mom, that is the point. You have poured into me what I need to make this journey. You can trust what you have taught me. You do not have to carry me anymore.” I realized at that moment; that I have been preparing for this all their lives. Not only do I need to trust what I have poured into each of my children, but I must trust God to take them the rest of the way.

The Prayer

Father, I ask that you watch over all of our children. Provide for them and keep them safe. I ask that You draw near to them so that they might feel your presence. Father, I pray that they will look to You when they begin to fill a void in their lives and not the things of this world. I pray for parents as we stir our faith to trust You to love our children even more than we do. Help us to seek You when we are concerned about them. I pray that there are open lines of communication so that wisdom and understanding can be shared. Thank you, Lord, for granting us the privilege of parenthood. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Worship in Song